The cult.ture podcast

What happens when you leave a high-control religion—but keep living by the rules it taught you?
This week, I’m joined by Melissa Duge Spiers, author of Holy Disobedience, for an honest conversation about growing up as a fourth-generation Seventh-day Adventist, leaving at 18, and realizing decades later how much of that upbringing she still carried.
We compare notes from our Adventist and Jehovah’s Witness childhoods: end-times fear, strict rules, purity culture, and learning to obey before learning to trust yourself. Melissa opens up about painful family secrets, her account of her father’s abuse, and how she sees the conditioning of her childhood reflected in her adult relationships.
We also talk about speaking out, finding community, and making peace with the possibility that the people who hurt you may never give you the answers you need.
There’s humor, some hard truths, and a reminder that leaving can be the beginning of the work.
 
Connect with Melissa Duge Spiers
Book: HOLY DISOBEDIENCE: Sex, Sin, and Secrets in the Biggest Church No One Knows
ExSDA TikTok: @the.glory.whole
ExSDA Instagram: @the.glory.whole
Personal Instagram: @melissadugespiers_writer
 
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
 
Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.
Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
 
 
 
 

Leaving a high-control religion may end your participation but it doesn’t immediately undo the identity, fear, shame, and expectations it placed inside you.
In this episode of the cult.ture podcast, Derek sits down with Audra Phelps, a former Mormon and coach who helps women, particularly mothers, rebuild their lives after leaving the LDS Church.
Raised in a strict Mormon household, Audra grew up with a prescribed identity and a clear roadmap for what it meant to be a faithful woman, wife, and mother. After more than a decade of questioning, international travel gave her the physical and emotional distance to see her religious upbringing differently. In 2015, a church policy affecting LGBTQ+ families became her breaking point. She removed her temple garments, looked at herself in the mirror, and said the words she had struggled for years to say: “I am not Mormon.”
Audra and Derek discuss the difference between leaving and recovering, grieving without regretting your decision, rebuilding trust in yourself, setting boundaries, navigating marriage, and learning to parent without relying on an external religious authority.
They also explore what it means to break generational cycles and change the emotional inheritance passed down to your children.
SPECIAL OFFER FOR CULT.TURE LISTENERS
Audra is offering podcast listeners 50% off their first individual coaching session. This offer is open to any woman navigating a faith transition after leaving a high-control organization—not only former Mormons.
Learn more about one-on-one coaching and book a free consultation with Audra:
https://mamaaudra.com/oneonone
Mention “PODCAST” during your consultation to receive the discount.
 
 
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
 
 
Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.
Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
 

This is a different conversation... Devin Fish spent much of his life hiding what he was carrying.
Raised amid poverty, instability, addiction, and repeated moves, Devin entered the U.S. Army looking for direction. Over nearly a decade of service as both a cavalry scout and career counselor he learned resilience, but he also absorbed the belief that asking for help was a sign of weakness.
Behind that armor were the death of his mother, unresolved family trauma, isolation, online exploitation, blackmail, and a mental health crisis that ultimately brought him to the hospital.
In this episode of cult.ture, Devin joins Derek and Trent to discuss the experiences behind his book, Answering the Hard Questions: Let It Be the End of a Chapter, Not the End of the Book. Together, they explore military culture, masculinity, coercive online tactics, parental addiction, grief, faith, self-hatred, and what can happen when someone finally allows others to see what they have been hiding.
Devin’s story is a reminder that asking for help is not weakness and that the hardest chapter of your life does not have to become the end of your story.
Follow Devin on Facebook
Buy Answering the Hard Questions: Let It Be the End of a Chapter, Not the End of the Book on Amazon
 
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
 
 
Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.
Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
 

Bri grew up homeschooled in a conservative Christian family before becoming deeply involved with the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), the fundamentalist organization founded by Bill Gothard and closely associated with the Duggar family.
She believed in the teachings enough that, as an adult, she planned to bring IBLP into her own family.
Then she became a mother.
When Bri attempted “blanket training” with her infant son, a practice she says was intended to teach blind obedience, her instinct was to comfort him when he cried. That instinct led to a question that changed everything: Why should comforting her own crying baby be considered breaking the rules?
Bri joins cult.ture to talk about growing up sheltered, homeschooling, the Duggar family's influence, Bill Gothard, IBLP's “umbrella of authority,” gender hierarchy, obedience, parenting, and the process of beginning to question a worldview she once fully believed.
We also explore the anger and discovery that followed as Bri began researching the people and institutions she had been taught to trust, and how she is now raising her own children with more freedom to question, explore, and decide what they believe for themselves.
It's a conversation about control disguised as protection, the moment instinct collided with indoctrination, and what it can mean to break a cycle.
 
Follow Bri here
 
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
 
Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.
Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.

What happens when a child is taught that the world may end before she ever reaches adulthood?
Gisselle grew up as a first-generation Latina in a strict Jehovah’s Witness family in Phoenix. From an early age, she was taught that Armageddon was imminent, that life in the present world was temporary, and that pursuing a career or higher education was largely unnecessary.
In this audio-only conversation, Gisselle joins Derek to discuss the isolation of growing up “in the world” but never being allowed to fully participate in it. She reflects on the pressure to maintain appearances, the lack of empathy she witnessed inside the congregation, the suppression of her cultural identity, and the painful consequences of disfellowshipping within her own family.
Gisselle also shares how her desire to attend Bethel unexpectedly led her to community college and how using the research skills she had been taught eventually exposed contradictions she could no longer ignore. After discovering the organization’s handling of child sexual abuse cases and witnessing an elder verbally intimidate her younger brother, she decided that she would never return to another meeting.
Leaving at 19 did not immediately erase the fear, isolation, or pressure. But it gave Gisselle the opportunity to begin creating a future she had never been taught to imagine.
Today, she holds a bachelor’s degree in mass communications, media studies, and journalism and is pursuing a Master of Public Administration and Public Policy at Arizona State University. Her interests in civic engagement, voting access, and public service have become part of the process of reclaiming a voice she once felt forced to silence.
This conversation explores:
• Growing up in a strict Spanish-language Jehovah’s Witness congregation• Cultural identity, representation, and the Gen Z ex-JW experience• Armageddon fear and being raised without a vision for the future• Family instability, disfellowshipping, and conditional belonging• Higher education and the pressure to abandon college• Researching Watchtower teachings and discovering misrepresented sources• The meeting that became Gisselle’s final night in the congregation• Rebuilding family relationships after leaving• Political neutrality, voting, and reclaiming civic participation• Creating a meaningful life beyond a high-control religion
Gisselle’s story is a reminder that leaving is not the end of someone’s life. Sometimes, it is the first opportunity they have had to truly begin it.
Follow Gisselle on Tik Tok: @gisselle.ara
 
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
 
Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.
Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
 
 
 

What happens when your greatest act of resistance is simply becoming yourself?
This week, we sit down with filmmaker Scott Homan, director of the acclaimed documentaryWitness Underground, to explore life growing up as a second-generation Jehovah’s Witness, the underground music scene that became a lifeline, and the long journey of rebuilding identity after leaving a high-control religion.
Scott shares the moment he realized he was living two lives, one dictated by the expectations of the Watchtower and another fueled by creativity, music, and authentic connection. Together, we unpack the psychology of indoctrination, fear, deconstruction, chosen family, and why art often becomes one of the first languages of freedom.
 
In this episode we discuss:
Growing up as a second-generation Jehovah’s Witness
Music as a path toward authenticity and self-discovery
The hidden underground scene of Jehovah’s Witness musicians
Fear, indoctrination, and the psychology of control
The moment Scott recognized he was in a cult
Deconstruction, atheism, and rebuilding a worldview
Friendship, community, and healing after high-control religion
The making of Witness Underground
Whether you’ve experienced religious trauma, left a high-control group, or simply want to better understand how people reclaim their identity after systems of control, this is a conversation about resilience, creativity, and what it means to finally live on your own terms.
 
Learn More About Scott Homan & His Work
Witness UndergroundDocumentary exploring the underground music scene within Jehovah’s Witness culture and the journey of those who found freedom through creativity.https://www.witnessunderground.com/
Watch / Stream Witness UndergroundAvailable through multiple platforms including Apple, Amazon, Tubi, Plex, YouTube Movies, and more.https://www.witnessunderground.com/
Banana Island Filmshttps://www.bananaislandfilms.com
Banana Island Films YouTube Channelhttps://www.youtube.com/@bananaislandfilms
Guidedoc (International Streaming)https://guidedoc.tv/documentary/witness-underground-love-letter-to-the-outcast-documentary-film/
Rotten Tomatoeshttps://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/witness_underground
IMDbhttps://www.imdb.com/title/tt15215562
Follow Scott
Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/scotthoman
Witness Underground Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/witnessunderground
Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/WitnessUnderground
Other Projects 
Hanoi MixtapeA documentary exploring the underground music scene in Hanoi, Vietnam.https://www.hanoimixtape.com/
Music and the Mystical ExperienceDocumentary project exploring music, consciousness, and psychedelic therapy.https://www.sutherlandsounds.com/music-for-psychedelic-therapy
Nuclear GopherNew music from the artists and recording studio covered in Witness Undergroundhttps://www.nucleargopher.com/
Resources Mentioned
For those questioning faith, recovering from religious trauma, or rebuilding after high-control environments:
Recovering From Religionhttps://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/
Secular Therapy Projecthttps://www.seculartherapy.org/
DECULTA documentary and resource project exploring cult recovery and coercive control.https://decult.net/
DECULT: Beyond Belief Documentaryhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZMhsGHTn30
Cults to Consciousnesshttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdruRz-kWtIBIzgURq05lzw
If this episode resonates with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who may need to hear it. Your support helps us continue creating conversations that explore identity, belief, recovery, and the human experience with honesty and compassion.
 
 
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
 
 
Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.
Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.